Kipper Gary Beryl Karen Rrussel Ced Tracey Dave
TJ Joe John Tessa Ade Tony Keith Gemma






Incontinence pants



Cedric Sharpley is a natural born drummer. Ever since he was a tiny child all he ever wanted to do was hit things with wooden sticks. At first this used to get him into a lot of trouble, especially the day he accidentally killed the family dog. Being a resourceful child, Cedric turned this to his advantage by skinning the dog and using its hide to make his first homemade drum. For his fourth birthday the following year his parents bought him a "Junior Noise Polluter" drumkit, and he never looked back. He had years of drum tuition and learned to drum in every possible style and genre of music, though he says that at heart he belongs to the "let's belt the bastards" school of drumming. Cedric had a successful career as a rock drummer, playing for many years with Gary Numan and the band Dramatis. Unfortunately Ced's career went into a severe decline when he lost both his arms in a bizarre accident with his electric toothbrush. Although now unable to hold any drumsticks, he has attempted a comeback by learning to drum with his penis. This requires great dexterity and a constant erection - the former was achieved with lots of practice but sadly these days the latter is achieved largely with the assistance of Viagra.

Originally, Ced missed out on selection for the cast of Survivor Outland, owing to the fact that he never even applied for the show. However one of the original contestants dropped out as soon as it was revealed that the location was being changed from Afghanistan to Butlins; apparently he'd been to Butlins on a holiday and was still too traumatised by the experience to face going back there. On arrival at Butlins, the Survivor producers searched around for another castaway, and stumbled across Cedric playing drums in the house band at the camp. Cedric has turned out to be an invaluable addition to the cast, because he can just about pass for a black guy. Every series of Survivor has to have a token black guy, but this series didn't have one. Whilst not really black, Ced's the nearest thing we've got this time around, so we're going to milk it as much as possible. To reinforce the impression that he's a brother, we will use the same editing techniques we always employ for the black dudes - we will make him appear to be completely bone idle and if possible will make it look like he's stealing stuff.



Colour: Black
Movies: Driller Killer, I Spit On Your Grave, The Muppets Take Manhattan
Music: Stuff with drums on it
Food: Tripe and onions.
Drink: Decaf coffee.
Drugs: Viagra
Sports: None, unless drumming counts as a sport
Games: Monopoly